We're facebook friends in real life
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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