I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
