Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize