Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
