This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You took a bar mat shot.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
