She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
