We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
operation have a gay friend backfired
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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