so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
