We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
