whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
