He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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