Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize