I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is wine microwaveable?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So apparently I’m into choking now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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