I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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