Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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