woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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