Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
