remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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