I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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