how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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