Having a random hookup so left but love u
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
