It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
