Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize