Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
