Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude. I can hear the air.
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