you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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