I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
