McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
