Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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