Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
