So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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