based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
