Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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