You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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