Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
