speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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