Kareoke will never be a sober sport
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
where are you?
Hypothermia
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
