we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
