Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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