so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize