Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
