Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His nipple licking is glorious
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