Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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