finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
