I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
