I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
