So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
