I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
