Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
