I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
