I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
