At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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