1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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