Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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