we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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