Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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