Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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