awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
