Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
