I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
