Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
