if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
