White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
