Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
