Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
