Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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