I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
