my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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