i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
