Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
