Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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