he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
