About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
