i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
