I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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