i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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